So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
