Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
