Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
