Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
