apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
