We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
