i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
