just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
