Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it hurts more in the daytime
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
