i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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