Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
