Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
