not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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