you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
