I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
