omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
