i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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