I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
