Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
