There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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