I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
