my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
