is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
