So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
