Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
