I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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