My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
