The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
