Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
