I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
