She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
