You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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