The maid of honor just puked.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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