I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
