I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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