We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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