Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
