Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
