At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
