The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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