Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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