I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
