I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
