Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
