Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
