I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
