I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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