The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
