I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
