I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
