somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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